The Colors of Honesty

 

 

Nature2It was a cool autumn night, after a great day full of joy, laughter and great company. Life was good and I was feeling so strong, confident and happy.

I remember when I heard the words. It was as if they were said from far away and yet, he was right there, next to me, whispering them in my ear. Why did they sound so far? I know why. I didn’t want to hear what I was hearing.

Many times we find ourselves in situations where deep inside we know what’s going on, and yet we don’t want to hear it out loud, as if not saying it will keep it from being what it is: the truth. Why are we so afraid of the truth?

Let’s face it. Sometimes truth can be painful. Some truths will make you feel as if you got punched in your stomach, leaving you breathless on the floor. And when you get up, you feel a numbness in your body, yet at the same time, with each step you take, you can feel it aches to simply breathe. That’s why we choose not to deal with the truth.

We can be either honest or dishonest. Period. There is no way we can be a little honest, or maybe half honest, or who knows, more honest than dishonest. We either are or are not. Honesty implies the truth regardless of how painful it may be. Dishonesty implies all kinds of tricks: disguising the truth, ignoring it, hiding it, omitting it, postponing it. All these are nothing but ways to try to get away without having to face telling or hearing the truth. And don’t get me wrong. I totally understand why we choose to do this, instead of coping with the truth and moving on.

I’ve had my moments with the truth that hurts; the one you wish you could look to the other side and pretend it doesn’t exist. The truth that you feel is killing you and want to ignore, but you can’t. Then, I made another huge discovery: nothing hurts more than the lie! I have been dishonest and I have been lied to. I have found myself playing all those tricks to not tell or hear the truth, and I’ve had people I’ve loved do that to me as well.

I know many people prefer not to know the truth if it’s going to affect their lives, their structures, their little worlds. Some will look away, pretending not to see what’s right in front of their eyes in order not to suffer. Or so they think. Others will consider that not being upfront about a situation, an issue, a feeling or a mistake isn’t really lying. As long as the people involved don’t find out, it’s not a lie. Also, if half of the truth is said but the other part is omitted, or the context manipulated, that is considered a “white lie”.

It took me a long time to make my peace with the pain some truth may imply. I made my decision: I WANT NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH. I realized that I would rather deal with the pain I feel when coping with a truth I might not like rather than dealing with what a lie causes me inside: it fills me with doubts; it takes away my ability to trust people and it leaves me with a sense of loss that makes me skeptical, cynical and harsh. I don’t like feeling that way.

I rather feel vulnerable, hurt and sad, because after accepting how I feel I can put my pieces back together and move on, understanding we’re not perfect and that we all make mistakes.

Honesty doesn’t have different colors or variations. It either is or is not.

As for me, since long ago I’ve chosen to be honest in order to expect honesty in return. That’s the least I can possibly do after realizing how much dishonesty hurts and learning that honesty is a two way street.

 

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What is it about? Who is it for?

Reading in nature

Sometimes people ask me why I like to write or what my blog is about. There is no single answer to these questions.

I connected with writing at a very early age, discovering how much I was able to express myself through the lines I wrote and yet feel safe. No one got hurt. I could let my feelings, all my emotions pour out. The people around me saw me as little teenager using whatever excuse I could find to isolate myself. Me with my thoughts. Me with my feelings.

I wrote quotes, poems, songs. I created fictitious characters and even wrote short novels; most of which I never shared. I kept them all to myself.

As I got older, for a long time, I didn’t write at all. It was as if that part of me had died inside. I just couldn’t do it. I still had the desire to write and always envisioned myself as a writer, but at the same time, I could not find the way to get back to my writing.

This blog is what I might call “my intentions being turned into actions”. This is my door to the path, leading the way to my writing passion. For the first time in my life, I am being totally open, sharing what I write and trying to help others as much as possible with my writing.

What is it about? It’s a little bit of EVERYTHING.

It’s about life, love, people, parenthood, relationships, feelings. It’s about discoveries, experiences and emotions; about faith and fear, joy and sorrow, happiness and sadness. It’s about spirituality (not religion), the mind, the heart and the soul. It’s about the past, the present and dreams of the future.

Who  is it for? It is for anyone who feels like reading, nurturing the soul. It is for those who at some point have felt like losing hope or at the very lowest point in their lives. It is for those who consider themselves fortunate to have everything they ever wanted, and those who feel they will never accomplish their dreams. It is for the fighters who struggle with life situations and for those who have already found the peace they were looking for.

This blog is for anyone who can relate to the joy, the happiness, the laughter and the positive attitude. But it’s also for those who can relate to the pain, the fear, the despair and the anxiety.

It is for whoever wants to join me along my way to new experiences, finding answers to my questions. It’s about new places to discover.

I write all these things for those who want to witness the journey and where this path is taking me, taking us.

This blog is for you, reading it at this very moment.

 

About Life and Golf

Golf Ball near hole

Last Sunday I went to play golf.

Well, actually I must say I went to hit some balls because the truth is, I know NOTHING about golf. I am a perfect rookie. Seriously! When it comes to golf I only know those sticks you hit the ball with are called Golf Clubs.

There I was, standing in front of a majestic golf course, surrounded by beautiful nature and lots of people practicing their skills. While my husband was trying to hit his golf balls, I was distracted looking around and trying to grasp the picture ahead of me. Yes, I was lucky enough to make some good hits but the truth was, my mind was somewhere else.

As I enjoyed the view I couldn’t avoid thinking about how similar life is to golf.

Summarizing the basics of this popular game, players need to use different clubs to hit the ball into a series of holes on a course (generally 18 holes), using the least possible strokes and while having to defy several challenges. Some of these are: areas of longer grass (called the rough), the direction in which the wind is blowing, sand traps and water hazards like ponds or streams. The player also has to use knowledge on which club to use depending on circumstances and distance.  There are certain rules that players need to obey during the game. As you can see, it takes discipline, skill, knowledge and training to be able to play well and win the game. If you think about it, that’s pretty much what life is about.

As we grow up, we realize life implies certain rules we need to follow if we want to live in harmony with ourselves and others. We need to exercise discipline to put our self aside and understand that it’s not only about us. We are part of a bigger picture.

We develop emotional tools (our “clubs”) which we will be needing along the way, depending on situations and circumstances. We become more and more prepared for some challenges, and yet surprised by some new ones.

As we learn, our knowledge about life, people and ourselves becomes way deeper, forming us into what a mature adult is really about. No wonder why they say we know more simply because we’re older. With age comes the experience. There’s no doubt about it.

Finally, we see our plans and dreams as a big golf course, full of obstacles, but with amazing rewards as we continue moving one step forward. Some dreams we accomplish while some we may have to adjust and redefine along the way. Others we simply give up, sometimes realizing afterwards that better ones unfold in front of us.

Yes, life is like playing golf. We can take it seriously, competitively, taking the fun out of it. Or we can relax, play responsibly, have fun and enjoy the game. After all, it’s a choice we make!